Why We Want to Bite What We Love
A story about joy, grief, and emotional overflow
Lately, I’ve noticed something strange – not just in myself, but in my sister, her son… and even in how I remember our cat, Tom.
When we really like something, a person, a moment, an object – there’s this odd urge to poke it, squeeze it, or even cause a little pain. It’s not out of anger. It’s more like the joy is too intense, and it spills out in an unexpected direction.
Tom used to do this all the time. He’d be purring, soft as ever, melting into the blanket – then suddenly give me a little bite. Not hard, just enough to say, “I’m feeling a lot right now”.
He’s gone now. But that memory stuck with me. And recently, I found out there’s actually a name for it: cute aggression.
What is Cute Aggression?
It’s when your brain gets overwhelmed by positive emotions — so much so that it mixes in a bit of aggression to help regulate the feeling. A kind of emotional pressure valve.
It’s behind those strange things we say, like “I could eat you up”, or “you’re so cute I want to squish you”. We don’t mean it literally — but the love is so intense, it leaks out in odd ways.
Tom Wasn’t the Only One
This emotional overflow isn’t just a human thing. Many animals show it too:
- Cats often bite gently while purring — a soft, overstimulated twitch.
- Dogs nip and mouth during play or when excited.
- Chimpanzees pull or slap each other during bonding.
- Parrots cuddle, then peck.
- Elephants roughhouse during joyful moments.
- Rats squeak and wrestle when they’re feeling connected.
It’s as if joy itself is too big to hold — so it bursts through in unpredictable ways.
A Memory That Stays Warm
Maybe that’s what I felt, watching my family show the same impulse. A kind of too-much-love feeling. An overflow. It’s not aggression in the angry sense — it’s energy that doesn’t know where else to go.
Tom used to show me that, again and again. I didn’t know what it meant at the time. But now, thinking back, it feels like one more lesson he left behind.
When love overflows, it doesn’t always look graceful.
Sometimes it bites.
